Review By Matthew Rodgers

You know somethings wrong when you miss the less-than-subtle touch of Van Helsing director Stephen Sommers. He set the bar at above average with the first Indiana Jones Lite Mummy adventure in 1999, subsequently following that by striking below his own achievable target with the bloated and particularly messy, The Mummy Returns in 2001. Now Universal has turned to their “hack for hire” roladex, passing by Joe Johnstone (Jurassic Park 3) and Brett Ratner (X-Men: The Last Stand), instead putting in a call to Rob Cohen, the man behind XxX and The Fast and The Furious, to revive a franchise that capitualted during the ropey effects ridden finale of Returns, hey, at least the guy can handle a CGI dragon (DragonHeart). And so here we have The Mummy: Kingdom of the Tomb of the Crystal Emperor of the Dragons Return, or something along those lines, it makes very little difference.

Seemingly drinking from the elixir of life that must have been missed during the CGI splurge of previous outings, the O’Connells haven’t aged a day in the supposed 20-year gap, one of many continuity problems that plagues the film. That is except son Alex (Luke Ford), who is no longer an annoying sprog, now just a whiny 20-something, Evelyn has gone through her own transformation; from Rachel Weisz to Mario Bello (World Trade Center), and of course, Brendan Fraser returns as franchise mainstay Rick, square jawed matinee throwback whose tongue-in-cheek earnestness has kept the series afloat. Shifting the action to Asia, the dysfunctional O’Connells are unconvincingly talked into travelling to China for an “epic” showdown with the ruthless dragon Emperor.

You’ve seen one mummy, you’ve seen them all, right? Whilst the first two films had a repetitive nature to them they did have a surprisingly effective villian in Arnold Voslo’s Imoteph, when he wasn’t covered in pixels that is. By re-inventing the franchise Smallville scriptwriters Alfred Gough and Miles Millar must come up with a threat that matches or betters him, and what a monster mistake they make with Jet-Li’s Dragon Emperor. There is some Harryhausen style joy to be found in his beastie incarnations (an impressive trait that’s also evident in the army of the deads playful skeletons), and in human form he is totally wasted, but even worse, when he is mummified he looks like a chocolate soldier, waddling from side-to-side with all the menace of an inebriated raggy doll, it’s horrific for all of the wrong reasons.

The script in its entirety is risibly laughable and contains some of the clunkiest exchanges in recent memory, witness the awkward “romantic” exchange between 2 young suitors and Michelle Yeoh’s embarrased summoning of the undead army. And that’s not even discussing the football playing abominable snowmen that just so happen to be a the behest of one of our protagonists without any explanation. That in itself is a surprise because The Mummy Mk III is THE most exposition heavy films ever committed to celluloid, set pieces are linked with rushed scenes of character spoken descriptive dialogue as a devisive way of propelling the plot, even computer games have more depth between levels.

Unsurprisingly such shortcomings mean that the performances begin to unravel like a poorly wrapped pharaoh. Fraser is strapped in for the ride, nothing more than a quip-making passenger, the makers intent on bringing talent vacuum, Ford to the forefront as whipcracker Junior. Bello is laden with some cringeworthy dialogue and seems to be doing an impression of Weisz rather than giving her own take on the Evelyn character, all the while sporting a plum-sucking English accent.

It’s hard to find any redemptive factors in Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, kids may find it mildly distracting, but in a summer full of genuine quality this is dull, uninspired filmmaking that should crawl into the deepest, darkest crypt without any chance of resurrection.